On work values

What therapy, the French and hip hop can teach us

Positively beaming their values

It must’ve been this winter, perhaps while working a turn when I got assigned on the same crew as a senior mamma. She was a little done-up and I guessed right off the bat how she would be as a flight lead.

After the crew briefing and before boarding she trotted to the back of the plane in her kitten heels as we loaded our bags in the overhead bins.

“Everybody’s happy happy happy! We’re going to have a great day, right?!” Her smile may as well have been painted on like the Joker's. I looked on at her in terror.

Who was this toxic positivity monster harshing my morning vibes? I just heard “red flag red flag red flag!”

I get a sense from people like this that if one tiny thing goes wrong I could prick them like a balloon and they would pop. That to me is way more frightening that someone who shows up in a bad mood. Working with the public is hard and if you pretend otherwise you ain’t fooling no one.

In the words of Public Enemy (whose lyrics are all too pertinent these days), "Can't Truss It!"

But like so many millennials out there, my therapist is helping me see these situations through a different lens. You see, it’s all about values. When I brought up my judgmental tendencies especially to do with certain individuals in my life, she told me it’s human to be judgmental. Though this may be obvious to some, it was nice to hear.

She reframed it for me: the person who I’m struggling with just has different values than me. For some reason I’ve never thought of it in that way, that the way someone comports themselves, treats others and sees the world can come down to values. Values! As in creativity, compassion, stability, status, boldness, and… optimism.

One of my values is being real and not faking it and I try to embody this as much as possible. Authenticity you could call it. It’s challenging to do this living in a society where women are expected to be agreeable and accommodating at all times. And with a job that requires facing the public for hours at a time.

Oftentimes when someone shows up to work in a bad mood it’s for good reason. When I've briefed with the crew and thought, what's this person's problem? (double standards alert) I later learn on the jumpseat that it’s the anniversary of a loved one’s death, or they’ve been working for six days with minimum rest, or their spouse is being a dirtbag and won't help with childcare. There's always a reason. And if not, why can't someone just be in a bad mood as long as they don't take it out on anyone else?

So now when I think back on that day with the senior mamma I try to look at her behavior in a different light. She values… positivity? An outward expression of happiness… which may or may not be fake? I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand.

I finally caught up with good friend who moved to France two years ago and told her about the perceptible change I saw in her the last few times I visited. She didn’t seem to extend her energy out as much as in the past in a way that seemed to exhaust her. In other words, her people-pleasing tendencies had been whittled down by French bluntness. We agreed that the French allow themselves to be grumpy and don't feel as obliged to say they’re doing good when it’s not true. On one hand, she missed the peppy and responsive service you get in the states but on the other hand said it’s a relief to not have to put out that kind of forced energy. Maybe it’s what makes France so appealing to foreigners, like the writer Deborah Levy. She wrote something along the lines about being enchanted by Paris because “she” as a city is confident enough to not smile.

On my most recent work trip I was a little bummed to have to share my jumpseat on the last leg with a commuter. It was a long flight and I just wanted time to read my book after service and to not have to converse. But like happens in many of these scenarios I enjoyed the jumpseater’s company. The topic of workplace personalities came up and I told him in so many words that I’d rather pick up someone else's slack than be hovered over. Being micromanaged brings out the inner beast in me, and a beast doesn't do well trapped in a plane.

He told me as long as his safety isn't in jeopardy then he doesn't care what his crew mates do on the plane. I wanted to say, “you mean everyone's safety?” but I didn't want to be that person, because excellence in speech isn’t one of my values.

He continued in his charming Filipino accent: "I don't care if you roll down the aisle. I don't care if you go to the bathroom and sleep there the rest of the flight. Just do your job." I'm sure some flight attendants have actually done these things at work, and as long as they pulled their weight, who cares?

Here's some petty gossip for you: He told me about a fellow flight attendant who posted a photo on a Facebook group of another flight attendant using their phone on a jumpseat, which is not allowed. The post said something like "I saw this person doing this, we're not supposed to do that, right?"

Indeed, we're not allowed to use our devices during taxi, takeoff and landing. The person who posted this photo and ratted on his/her crew member got virtually shredded, because snitches get (virtual) stitches. In the words of Salt-N-Pepa: It's none of your business! Go be a mid-level manager on the Severence floor if you want to police your coworkers this way.

The Salt Lake base is known for having the best crews. We do our jobs and we don't stress beyond that. We're known for being nice and chill and maybe it’s because we share the values of accountability and autonomy.

Now when someone steps on my toes or I work with someone who just loves rules that don't have to do with safety (control), I say to myself, "values, Megan. Different values," and take a deep breath.

Stay fly,

Megan

P.S. What qualities in your coworkers do you value? What are some that grind your gears?

P.P.S. The theme of this post was ‘90s hip hop. Thanks for noticing. On my last layover in Chicago I walked a long ways to Ramen-San for their soup and donburi bowls and partly for their old school playlist. Now I can’t get Shoop out of my head even though I feel like such a white girl jamming to it.